Release the thread
The only learning I know of is carried out internally and therefore I don’t like to hamper it. When my daughter, one year old, plays with her hoops game, looping on the hoops from large to small, I will not teach her to loop them according to size. Her present pursuit is the correct one. It is right for her for her present stage of development. My job as a parent is to encourage her internal processes (just by happily watching my daughter playing) and not to hinder her attempt to learn by forcing external intervention.
Children are different from one another and each child is different in his degree of willingness to accept outside intervention. Therefore we must be attentive to our child and his desires. Have faith in his desires.
A one year old child that receives a gift from his aunt wants things that his aunt does not see. For the child this is the first time he sees such an amazing gift wrapping. For the child, this is the present.

Afterwards he feels it and brings it towards his mouth. He discovers great new things. He discovers, for example, the seam where the tape is stuck and then where there is no tape, where he can put his tiny fingers inside and tear the wrapping. The tearing paper has a sound and a look. Now he makes the connection between the noise and the look; he tears a little and gazes at it. Then the wrapping opens and there is another new discovery. Clear plastic wrap and inside something vague with a variety of colors. The clear plastic reflects the light and send its beams towards him. These bits of light move when he moves the new discovery which is now in his own two hands. He puts the wrapping in his mouth (that’s OK), smells it, feels it, checking, and finally throws the gift away from him in order to be free to uncover more new discoveries.
Mommy takes the gift and opens it next to him and he is again curious. Inside the wrapping there is a blue car with red wheels, which he now he tastes. On the rear of the car is a silver circle. When the circle is pulled a pull cord is revealed. When the cord is pulled the car moves its wheels. I think he will discover this tomorrow. In a few days he will discover other features of the car but I am happy to help him discover how the car operates when I release the cord.

In general … a few good things happen to us when we release the thread, When we let go, When we release our own will and rely on the desire of our child. Our children miss so much when we hurry to reach the coil and the bottom line. Children are different from one another and each one has a different degree of openness to outside intervention. Some children will be more able to listen to explanations, and others will obstinately protect their internal world, really not a bad thing at all. Yet only if we are able to be attentive to them, will we enable them to be attentive to us. So simple - so right.
Toddler who receives a gift, a little girl playing with her hoops game, these are just examples of potential learning situations that are open to threat by the very persons who want to help them the most, namely we the parents. There is one rule that guides me in these cases –

Let your child lead the way in dependency relationships!

In other words, I’m here for you and, I trust you. Call me when you need me.
I write these words and have a hard time ignoring the raised eyebrow of the readers who chose to wonder about the meaning of this new “divorce” that I give my children. After all, why did I bring them into this world? Did I do it in order to ignore them? The very question proves how paternal our views of parenthood are, how unsuccessful we are in gaining the graceful right given us to be the person closest to our children – Real friends.


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